once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
