So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
