You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
