NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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