Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
