last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
