Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
