I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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