you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
