butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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