Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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