turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
