atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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