I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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