are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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