is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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