It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
smell my finger.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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