I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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