Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
