So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
