I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
