I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
