we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize