I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
