I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
