I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
