he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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