Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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