who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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