Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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