He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
