Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
