i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
