we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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