Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
