New invention idea: vibrating tampons
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
