seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
