This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Randomize
