I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
