Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
