His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
