I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize