wrigley field is MILF paradise
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
