So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
