She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
