Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
