True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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