well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
