She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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