i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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