You made me cry and you don't even care
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
