Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
