dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize