I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
