remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize
