We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
