I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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