What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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