Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
