I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
