She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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