i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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