wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
