I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
