last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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