GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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