The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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