would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
